Originally featured on Goonersphere.

With Man United’s capture of the ridiculously named Memphis Depay before the end of the season escaping even the keenest of eyes in the media, one question remains – 

What else is going on that we aren’t aware of?


Already more than a few eyes have deviated from the ongoing seasons results and fixtures and have greedily settled upon the transfer window. It matters not to these click-baiting vultures that the season hasn’t ended. All that fills their mind is what player fits the bill so that they can splash their name in a gaudy manner across a page in order to garner more views. Edinson Cavani again? How’s about a Marco Reus? 

What United’s capture of the much-vaunted Depay should tell us is that we only ever know what the clubs WANT us to know. There was nothing in the back pages of the rags. There was zip in the usual avenues on the web. There was squat on Twitter. No-one knew that the Dutch starlet was Carrington-bound until United let out a few snippets. 

So what of Arsenal? Much is made of the mysterious Dick Law – the special agent who is tasked with tying up transfers. The air miles he must collect with all the talks he enters into must warrant at least a few free holidays for the Law family to Scandinavia. 

How can anyone say with any iota of conviction who Arsene has sent Mr Law to visit? How can anyone infer that they have any insight regarding whether Dick is either speaking to a hot young Brazilian or sitting at home with Dick Junior? 

Of course our Manager is going to maintain that there isn’t anyone on the signing horizon. Have no doubt though that Wenger will have already identified who he wants to strengthen a side that has shown enough to promise much next season. The real burning issue is whether Wenger has sent his best man to liaise with the talent Monsieur Wenger requires?

This article once more focuses on the morons who choose to post lazy articles filled with dubious links to players that everyone wants but are unlikely to obtain. The time is nearly upon us when we are met on every side by transfer madness. 

We have the opportunity to achieve our highest League position for 10yrs, win another piece of silverware and avoid the energy-sapping and ultimately difficult Champions League play-off. We also have the small matter of no international football to paper over the Arsenal void in the summer. So expect the player signing rumours to become a torrent that will torment your waking hours. 

Dick Law may currently be locked in high-tension talks with a powerful agent who holds sway over a young charge destined to be the final part in the painstaking jigsaw that Arsene Wenger has assembled. Alternatively, he may be simply walking the aisles of his local Wickes hardware store in the hunt for pine decking for planned summer BBQ’s. The point is that we haven’t a clue.

Everyone feeds off the snippets of info we glean from the people who deem the info is worthy of release. If these people think it is necessary to feed from the froth generated from excited fans then they will send a memo to the various websites and newspapers and will then stand back with a smug smile.

None of us know the clandestine methods used by Dick Law and other members of his underground coterie. Clad entirely in robes that shroud the physical form, they select names that they will stalk mercilessly until they sign their name on the dotted line.

So when you see a story pop up innocently on your Twitter timeline, slow your roll just a little. Your whistle may be whetted by the capital letters declaring that Benzema is a surefire thing – but your common sense will tell you that it is no doubt spurious. If you see the link belongs to an esteemed site and you trust them, by all means click on it. 

Just remember this warning though. The Depay signing is a true indicator that the majority know nothing. The same goes for Mesut Ozil. Wait until you see the revelation on the Sky Sports yellow ticker. Hold your horses until you see BBC Sport declaring it so. Better still, keep your fingers from the mouse until you see the player bedecked in the glorious red and white and revealed by the Arsenal website. 

It is completely harmless to speculate. It can be a brilliant procrastination tool to surmise who may be incoming to our club. It is when these links point toward fact and fill you with an expectation that these recruits are Arsenal-bound.

We don’t know. We can merely muse. Anyone who maintains otherwise is a fool. Slimline your reading this summer. Just read mine. 

Psst………..Reus to join Arsenal. Stay tuned for more details…….The red goose flies at dawn…….

By @JokmanAFC