An Arsenal Champions Recipe

Start with a copious amount of talent.

Throw in a dedicated, inspiring manager.

You’ll need to mix these together for a while, roughly 5-6 years. This requires a bit of patience and a Board who’ll back you to the hilt.

Once these two ingredients are combined, splash in some biased punditry about Arsenal being soft, then too physical.

Beat these together with some focus on innovative set-pieces.

In a separate bowl, you’ll add some flavour to your dish.

This consists of;

  • A liberal smattering of all fanbases uniting against us
  • Social media posts throughout, talking of PGMOL favouritism
  • The tears of Erling Haaland
  • Egos of the Man City fans
  • A dash of ex-pros bleating about the game being played ‘in the right way.’

Mix these together with Ian Wright’s laughter.

Once these are as one, add them to your other mixture, taking care to use Peter Schmeichel’s hatred as an effective whisking tool.

Now you have the basis for your dish. Now you need to garnish it with the following:

  • A never-say-die attitude on the pitch
  • Effective recruitment, adding class and options throughout the squad
  • Adaptable tactics that mean we can lay expansive football or shut up shop
  • The second most goals scored in the season
  • The best defence in the league
  • A return to the glory days of a fanbase, team and manager singing from the same hymn sheet

Throw this in the oven for 22 years, give or take.

And there you have it. Arsenal are Premier League Champions.

Remember, this is a dish best served cold.